Today is a guest post from Marcia Collins from NU Coaching. She is a coworker of mines who is also a coach. She uses her skills of coaching to help you have fierce conversations. Right now she is offering free coaching sessions for a limited time so go check out what she has to offer at nucoaching.com.
Susan Scott posited in her book Fierce Conversations lives succeed or fail one conversation at time, courtesy of poet and author David Whyte. Fierce according to Roget’s Thesaurus, suggest the following synonyms: robust, intense, strong, powerful, passionate, eager, unbridled, uncurbed and untamed. Furthermore, Scott stated “fierce conversation is one in which we come out from behind ourselves into the conversation and make it real. Then will you take that step in having a fierce conversation? Families are busier than ever today, it appears we avoid the importance or notion of having that fierce conversation. More importantly, we may be at a loss of words.” Recently I attended professional development training on migrant students and was stunned at the candid and insensitive remarks made by the presenter. The more the consultant spoke, the higher the tension rose among my colleagues and I who resonated with similar experiences as the migrant students. At the end of training, each of us was given an opportunity to critique the presenter. I thought carefully how to frame my thoughts as I wrote my comments regarding the presentation. My intent was not to hurt the presenter with my words, in the same manner in which I felt. Instead, I wanted to leave her with some wisdom and best practices to consider for future presentations. It was at that moment I realized; I did not need to soften my approach. I needed to have a fierce conversation with the consultant on paper. And I did just that. The Pillow Approach: (A gigantic mistake) Sometimes, we fear the need to soften our approach to tough decisions by using the pillow approach. This approach, according to Scott, is when individuals soften the message in order to lessen the impact and avoid hurting other’s feelings. Placing pillows (softening the message) around a message can create a message getting lost altogether. I know people in leadership positions who operate in the pillow approach. I also understand as humans we do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. However, when we are real with ourselves and others, a change occurs before the conversations ends. Coach U and Challenge: • What fierce conversation do you desire to have with someone? Take ACTION! Make a list of topics and people within your organization or life. Begin the process immediately of starting a fierce and authentic conversation with each person. Make it your goal not to use the pillow approach. Aim to get your message cross effectively! How honest are you with your significant others or friends regarding your fears, aspirations? Marcia Collins THANK YOU for reading gloriamarie.com. HAVE CRAZY FAITH and live your purpose!™ subscribe via email to receive a guide to doing incredible things with your life for free. follow me on twitter + like my new fb page.
How real are any of us if we do not share our darkest moments with those closest to us; if we do not claim our failures as well as our successes? I believe authenticity is not something you have; it is something you choose.
• This fierce conversation could begin with your present employer, close friend or spouse.
• What things do you fear about having a fierce and authentic conversation with someone? Why are you afraid?
• What will you do about it and when?
Marcia Collins is an educator and life coach. If you would like to learn more about what it means to have a fierce conversation connect with her on nucoaching.com. Studies show people can reach their goals faster with a life coach. She is currently offering pro-bono coaching sessions, to schedule a session click the “Schedule Now” tab at nucoaching. Follow her at twitter.com/marciaycollins.
