Today is a guest post from Marcia Collins from NU Coaching. She is a coworker of mines who is also a coach. She uses her skills of coaching to help you have fierce conversations. Right now she is offering free coaching sessions for a limited time so go check out what she has to offer at nucoaching.com.

Ready for a fierce conversation

Susan Scott posited in her book Fierce Conversations lives succeed or fail one conversation at time, courtesy of poet and author David Whyte. Fierce according to Roget’s Thesaurus, suggest the following synonyms: robust, intense, strong, powerful, passionate, eager, unbridled, uncurbed and untamed.

Furthermore, Scott stated “fierce conversation is one in which we come out from behind ourselves into the conversation and make it real. Then will you take that step in having a fierce conversation? Families are busier than ever today, it appears we avoid the importance or notion of having that fierce conversation. More importantly, we may be at a loss of words.”

Recently I attended professional development training on migrant students and was stunned at the candid and insensitive remarks made by the presenter. The more the consultant spoke, the higher the tension rose among my colleagues and I who resonated with similar experiences as the migrant students. At the end of training, each of us was given an opportunity to critique the presenter. I thought carefully how to frame my thoughts as I wrote my comments regarding the presentation. My intent was not to hurt the presenter with my words, in the same manner in which I felt. Instead, I wanted to leave her with some wisdom and best practices to consider for future presentations. It was at that moment I realized; I did not need to soften my approach. I needed to have a fierce conversation with the consultant on paper. And I did just that.

The Pillow Approach: (A gigantic mistake)

Sometimes, we fear the need to soften our approach to tough decisions by using the pillow approach. This approach, according to Scott, is when individuals soften the message in order to lessen the impact and avoid hurting other’s feelings. Placing pillows (softening the message) around a message can create a message getting lost altogether. I know people in leadership positions who operate in the pillow approach. I also understand as humans we do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. However, when we are real with ourselves and others, a change occurs before the conversations ends.
How real are any of us if we do not share our darkest moments with those closest to us; if we do not claim our failures as well as our successes? I believe authenticity is not something you have; it is something you choose.

Coach U and Challenge:

• What fierce conversation do you desire to have with someone?
• This fierce conversation could begin with your present employer, close friend or spouse.
• What things do you fear about having a fierce and authentic conversation with someone? Why are you afraid?
• What will you do about it and when?

Take ACTION! Make a list of topics and people within your organization or life. Begin the process immediately of starting a fierce and authentic conversation with each person. Make it your goal not to use the pillow approach. Aim to get your message cross effectively!

How honest are you with your significant others or friends regarding your fears, aspirations?

Marcia Collins
Marcia Collins is an educator and life coach. If you would like to learn more about what it means to have a fierce conversation connect with her on nucoaching.com. Studies show people can reach their goals faster with a life coach. She is currently offering pro-bono coaching sessions, to schedule a session click the “Schedule Now” tab at nucoaching. Follow her at twitter.com/marciaycollins.

Today is a guest post from my longtime friend Jeffrey Frankel. He always encourages me to have a little imagination. Enjoy!

Imagination

“No, to me the imagination is a place all by itself a separate country. You’ve heard of the French or the British nation. Well, this is the lmagine-nation. It’s a wonderful place.” – Kris Kringle, Miracle on 34 th Street (1947)

“We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams, wandering by lone sea-breakers, and sitting by desolate streams;—world-losers and world-forsakers, on whom the pale moon gleams: yet we are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.” – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory (1971)

Many people are doing so much that they don’t have time to imagine. Some think it’s immature. However your actions can only accomplish what you can imagine first.

Not every moment can be filled with action. You need to keep your mind active. You need to imagine not only what is possible but also what is impossible. The impossible can lead you places that just might have a touch of the possible you might have missed.

Today is a guest post from Debbie Vinyard from happyfirst.com. We met through Spark&Hustle over on twitter.com. We both attended the same event, but unfortunately only met through twitter. From all the guest bloggers she is the person I’ve known for the shortest amount of time, and so I am honored that she responded to my request. I love her spirit, and I am so happy I get to share this post with you all! Please visit her company’s website and support what she is doing at happyfirst.com. This is a narrative of her time in Florida during hurricane Debby!

Look at your life as one big adventure….

I’m sitting here with my husband and 2 boys (one is on the computer, the other asleep on the couch) looking out at the ocean from our rented beach house in the Florida panhandle. We were kinda bummed driving in Saturday, as Hurricane Debby was coming in (hmmm, my name is Debbie!). It rained all day yesterday. I’m an optimist so I just decided it was going to be fun and an adventure no matter what happened. It is just great to be on vacation, take a break and re-energize. Our friends are flying in today.

Anyway, it is funny how people are put in my path every day-you just have to look! I went to the Dallas Spark and Hustle convention (for entrepreneurs) last week and that is how I connected with Gloria Marie. I don’t even think we met in person, it was after the event that we connected online. And I just love her! I think we have a lot in common; we both love to inspire others.

A little bit about me – I have always been an optimist and an entrepreneur. I have always loved life and looked at it as a big adventure. There are not enough hours in the day to do all that I want to do! I have been an entrepreneur since I was in junior high, started making and selling candles from my kitchen. In college, I started out majoring in fashion illustration, but somehow ended up in accounting and getting my CPA. I was always good with numbers and figured I would make more money with an accounting versus a fashion degree. Did the whole public accounting then corporate thing. Hated it. I learned you must follow your passion! While still in the corporate world and then after I stayed home and had kids I started some businesses on the side, including a clothing line, an aerobic clothing store, embroidering baby bibs, and designing stationery.

In 1995 When my second son was only 6 weeks old, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Went through chemotherapy and radiation. (go to http://happyfirstblog.com/2011/my-hodgkins-lymphoma-survivor-story/ to read my story) While going through this, I kept telling myself I was going through it for a reason, that there was a bigger plan for me. And I think that plan was to encourage and inspire others. Years later, in 2007 I launched HappyFirst.com – a fun, hip clothing line-tee shirts, hoodies, yoga wear and baby and toddler stuff too.

The egg is my logo-represents new beginnings, breaking out of your shell. I believe that everyone has creativity inside and they will be happiest when they discover it and use it! My quote has been “find your passion and pursue it”-well, something happened with my tees-one of our popular tees is “Happy Chick” with an egg. Then a friend suggested doing a “Hippie Chick” with a peace sign in the egg and from there the Chick tees took off-people wanted Yoga Chick, Runner Chick, Tennis Chick, etc-coming out with new ones all the time! In fact, we will be coming out with “Chick” baseball caps in the next few weeks! So Happy First has also turned into a way to express your passion One of my friends is shy, but she said when she wears our tees she can connect with others because it is a way to strike up conversation.

Back to this morning. It wasn’t raining so I decided to take off for a run. I thought it would be a good way to brainstorm what to write about for Gloria Marie. Well, I take pictures all the time and was taking a picture of a Starbucks with palm trees (we have that in common Gloria Marie!) and another runner came up to me and said, “are you taking a picture of that bear? BEAR???? WHAT BEAR???? I turned around and there was a huge black bear across the highway!!! I tried to get some pics, got one where you can “bearly” see him! So I made a new friend (the runner not the bear), as I usually do, and we pointed out the bear to other runners and then I told the people hanging out at the Starbucks. Then, I got back to our beach house and there was a huge rainbow stretching across the ocean!

So what is my point in all of this? I don’t know! Not really! I think my point in all this is that you need to be open to all the adventures that lie ahead of you. Take time with yourself and think about what you love to do. See my blog post Find your passion and pursue it to help you get started then just do it! You don’t have to quit your job or drastically change your life, just start adding some creativity to your life. And see what happens….

About Debbie Vinyard

A dreamer, a doer and a survivor, Debbie’s fun-loving approach to living is the spirit behind Happy First – a company devoted to inspiring people to pursue their passions and discover their infinite capacity for true happiness. Visit happyfirst.com and the Happy First Blog, follow on twitter, or like on facebook!

Today is a guest post from Eboni Griffin, if you are struggling with your place in the kingdom of God this post is for you! And she’s backing it up with the word of God! Enjoy!

Who’s your daddy?

John 14:1-5 reads “Let not your heart be troubled: you believe in God also believe in me. In my father’s house are many mansions; If it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you myself; that where I am ,there you may be also. And where I go you know & the way you know.”

We often go through life with worry, but why? We are sons and daughters of the King of all kings, the one who can and will supply our every need. Our father is rich and has left us an inheritance, BUT we can’t get it until we CLAIM IT! Why are we sitting around waiting for our blessing? Who are we waiting on? The one who needs to come has already come. Jesus said ” I have come that you may have life & have it more abundantly.” – John 10:10. That’s all we need.

Let’s stop sitting around worrying and complaining, destroying ourselves and others with words. Put the things you have no power over in the hands of the man who has all power and speak life! Open your mouth and speak healing, deliverance, power, strength, peace, love, joy…your need, your desire because God answers prayers. “And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.” – Matthew 21:22

Get your some crazy faith! The kind of faith that when an issue arises, and there seems to be no possible way out of it, BUT you still believe and trust God will work it out. The kind of faith where you walk around speaking and acting as if it’s already done and without a pinch of doubt and the world looking up side your head like you crazy. The world may say no but with God it can be turned into a Yes!

“I’ve never seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging for bread” – Psalms 37:25.

God’s power brings all things under our feet. “And the Lord will make you the head not the tail: you shall be above and not beneath, if you heed the commandments of the Lord, God, which I command you today, and be careful to observed them” – Deuteronomy 28:13. Believe and you shall receive. You don’t need a sugar daddy, a hustle, a high top notch this or top notch that, when you have Jehovah Jireh, the best provider, the world has ever known. If you want the enemy to release you, rise up and tell him… WHO’S YOUR DADDY!?

BE BLESSED!

Eboni Griffin

Eboni Griffin is a mother of 3 beautiful girls, and an energy broker for Ignite powered by Stream Energy. You can connect on facebook with her by clicking here.

Today is a guest post from Alice. One of my besties! She shares writing tips, and she knows what she is talking about since she is a trained journalist. Check out her blog North Dallas Homegirl for funny random observations and music musings. Thank you Alice for being an awesome friend!

How to start writing

I decided to write this post after I talked to someone who is a retired project manager and a math whiz. He said he did not like writing and claimed to be a bad writer.

I like writing. I know that if you do not like writing it must be a huge challenge. It is a challenge for me too at times. So, what follows are my tips for how to start and continue writing.

And, if you don’t like writing, don’t kid yourself that you will never have to write. There are always letters, comments on web sites, complaint forms, treatises to your boss that must be written. Instead of fearing it, just do it.

This post addresses any type of writing: a complaint form, a note to someone, or a school assignment–high school and college and higher than college.

Start anywhere. You don’t need to have a perfect idea, or be perfect, in order to write. For example, with a complaint form, you are the only one who knows what happened, so try to explain honestly. With a personal school essay, you are the one who has chosen that topic, so who better to write about it than you? Just be honest and speak from the heart. Sometimes I do not know what I am going to write, and then I write the first sentence and I know what I am going to say for the rest of the story or letter.

Less is more. An old journalism tip (from my days in journalism): less is more. The rule can be applied to almost any journalistic effort, but also is a stellar rule in everyday life. Say what you are going to say concisely; don’t ramble or use unnecessary sentences. Don’t throw in one unnecessary word. Become a minimalist.

Newspaper editors are known to “chop, chop, chop,” stories. So, do the same with your work. After you write the first draft, (there should always be a first draft, as long as you have the time) chop, chop, chop away at anything that is unnecessary. Don’t leave things in just because they “sound cool” or make you sound a certain way. Let what you write speak for itself.

The internet: your new best friend. For many writings such as a complaint or a cover letter, use the internet to your advantage. The internet can make you a mini-expert on almost anything. And, no one has to know that all you did was spend 20 minutes reading Wikipedia. I have used the internet many times, and usually it has helped me.

If you are completing a school assignment or a report for your job, your first date should be with Google. Before you even start writing.

Speaking of Google, I must include a fact: many times I have just typed a simple question into Google, and I received a plethora of information. Don’t forget that even secondhand information, such as what people post on message boards, can sometimes be useful. But do read it carefully, and don’t trust everything you read.

Read it once, before you send it or turn it in. If you think something sounds great, stop right there, partner! It’s probably not as great as you think. Professional writers go through many revisions, and you should go through at least one. Utilize your friends’ and family members’ skills, and ask them to give your masterpiece a glance.

Back to the: “stop right there, partner!” Once you have written something, put it aside. Then, either read a printed version or the same version. Be ready to make any changes. You may have a different state of mind or be able to see from a different perspective. Remember to be ruthless. Just like a newspaper editor, chop, chop, chop.

If you think it’s trash, throw it out and start over. If you don’t, yay for you. Maybe.

A common complaint: “I don’t know what to write about.” This pertains–mainly–to school assignments. I have heard many a friend or classmate utter the forsaken words in the past 30 years. You don’t have to have a perfect topic in order to write. Write about something that interests you, or something you want to share that you feel others would benefit from. As with other skills, the more you practice, the better you will get.

Now, flee, young and old pen-despisers. Craft something that you love. You are the king or queen of whatever you write. Trust your instinct.

Then, chop.

***
Alice blogs at North Dallas Homegirl and founder of The Magnet Project, a project that benefits the homeless.